Monday, August 17, 2015

Where To Begin

I have recently found myself in a very dark place.  Many factors that I will spare you the gruesome details. With the exception of going to the doctor and finding I'm pre-diabetic. Probably my great Southern heritage and love of anything fried and/or sweet.  I am related to my Me Maw.

An admission, that I am more than embarrassed by, I was arrested for DUI/DWI. Yes, I know better.  No, it wasn't intentional.  It just happened and there are no excuses, ever, for driving drunk.  But those are the facts that I pled guilty to.  I have always owned my mistakes.

In retrospect, for me, it was a blessing.  In my dark state I had been making some bad choices that were out of character for me.  Regardless, I have to own up to my failings.  This is partly how I found out about the pre-diabetes.   So, I am suffering the debt that Arizona demands and the worst part is not being able to ride Petunia for a year.  In Arizona a DUI conviction requires an ignition interlock for a year and Arizona just passed a law to allow them on motorcycles again, but they aren't yet available.

So, I have been spending my time evaluating, heavily, what and why I am in this dark place.  Again lets spare you the gruesome details, but internal, self reflection is an awful place to go when a person is honest.

I am making an honest effort to learn and grow from this terrible event.  I can guarantee that there will never be a reoccurrence.  On a brighter note, as I close, I have lost 35 pounds as I make lifestyle changes to combat the pre-diabetes.


  1. AZ HD, sorry you've been going through such travails but it sounds like you've a plan moving forward.

    I wish you luck in avoiding a recurrence and more luck in dealing with the diabetes...I assume it's Type II?

    I hope that interlock becomes available soon for your Petunia.

  2. Hey Dude! It's so Damn cool that you're being so transparent and sincere. It is so hard for most of us to own mistakes. We all make them. I'm glad no one was hurt.
    We'll still be coming to visit, ride or not.
    Hugs & Smooches!

  3. The DUI wasn't about you drinking and driving, but of being convicted. Had there not been a law, or such rigorous enforcement, it would have never become a stain on your conscience.

    I say that because I often ride a motorcycle after a few beers. Perhaps there will come a time when the law catches up to me too. But I maintain I'm a good person at heart, just like you, never meant any harm, and believe the police ought to be chasing more violent folks than I.

    But the diabetes is the real ignition interlock. I'm sorry to hear about that. Maybe this time off from riding will help you find a way to manage it.

  4. That sucks. But you didn't kill anyone, or yourself, so I know you will learn from it and move on. We are pre-diabetic, too. Glad you're taking care of yourself. You should come around once in a while. We'd love to see you. Sometimes seeing friends helps us get out of the dark places.

  5. big hugs my friend!!!
    take things one day at a time. we'll all be here with you. :)

  6. First of all, congratulations on the weight loss and life style changes. I was diagnosed type 2 almost 10 years ago and it's much simpler now than then. You are going through some real trials now but it sounds like you have a good handle on them.

  7. Well the brighter side is that you did not kill someone or yourself. Yes, that is the brighter side, being a victim and losing a 22 year old by a drunk driver last year. My lifestyle has changed just from that. I hope you work it out. I am glad you are owning it and changing your lifestyle to compensate. Some do not until it is too late. My Natalie's killer was a two time DUI. I wish California would have a lock down. It is a bit too easy here unfortunately. Anyway, I am glad you are ok and taking care of your health. Health is everything and it sounds like you are on track. Petunia can wait for the healthy days ahead. Don't put any pressure on yourself. Just get well and out of the darkness. We are here to support you.

  8. Thank all of you for the words of encouragement. I can't express my thankfulness that an accident wasn't involved in this. It is just a shame that it took this kick in the ass to wake me up.

  9. Kudos for the weight loss, but bummer about the DUII.

    I work for a criminal defense attorney here in Oregon so we see people all the time that are dealing with this issue. Oregon gives each person on a first offense (provided there was no injury accident and no commercial license involved) a Diversion. Basically you pay a hefty fee and do everything you are supposed to do for 12 months and they dismiss it with NO conviction.

    It really helps with those people that just had one-time lapse in judgment.

    All you can do is move forward. I admire you for sharing this online. Big hugs.

  10. Hang in there pal. You sent me encouraging words months ago and now I do the same for you. May God Bless & strengthen you.

  11. You have a great deal of strength to admit your flaws to the world ... it is the same strength that will get you out of this as well. Take care.

  12. Sounds like you are your way to a new and improved AHD. You are correct, great trials can bring great growth. Praying for you.